Coveted Memories

As you all know, I'm getting married in 8 months. I am so excited and can hardly wait. It's going to be the adventure of a lifetime with all kinds of crazy turns.

The issue with being as excited as I am at times, is that I'm at risk for missing out on little things of my current life that will soon be the comfort of my future life.

A wise friend of mine once told me to focus on living the life I have now, rather than wishing for the life I am soon to have. Because once it's over, it's over. You can't move back everytime you start to miss home.

I have found myself recently wishing away my last two semesters of college, more than ever. Longing to be married, to learn the ropes of a new city, a new state, to feel the crisp wind of another winters breath. And even, at times, to learn the deep secrets of a new friend's soul.

Today, I went to Barnes and Noble with a dear friend of mine. A friend who has been by my side since freshman year. She was the first person I met at UA and my first college neighbor. It was so refreshing to be with a familiar face, sitting in the big chairs and reading without any obligation to entertain one another.

It reminded me that I need to take these precious occasions one by one with an open heart and a mental camera because it won't be long until all these little moments will become coveted memories.

Romania Run Down

It's been quite awhile since I last posted about Romania and I never did give you guys a sum up of my experience there. So here it is. It's pretty impossible to use less words or space or whatever to explain everything so this is going to be a very long post.

We arrived in Romania on the 17th of June. For the first two or three days we did a ton of manual labor. From shoveling graveling to spreading it to putting up tents and cots. I've never seen or washed so many dishes in my life than I saw and washed when we first got in RO.

After those first two or three days we started camp. Our first week were the kids that Livada has taken into their own care. Their ages range from 8-17. There are about 30-40 Livada kids living in Casa Ana-Nadia and Casa Rebecca.

Side Note: Mondays are day camp days. Then from Tuesday-Friday we are at Camp Vetca with the kids.

This week was a very interesting week. These kids are very accustomed to Americans so we were nothing terribly special to them. On the easier side of things, because Americans are nothing unusual to them, the majority of the kids spoke great english. When we first met with the kids and had camp with them, the girls, specifically, did not act as though they wanted us around. Until Thursday nigh when we get in our Achipas (teams) and each leader prays over each child. We cried like little babies.

Of the kids there are three that I became super close with over the month that I was in Romania: Bella (a 14-year-old boy), Ana (14-year-old girl), and Kati (16-year-old girl).

The next three weeks were state care kids. The first week of kids in state care had a lot of special needs kids. This week was a totally different ball game than the first. Their English skills were much less that the Livada kids so our Translators were seriously our mouth pieces. It was a great week though.

The next week was my absolute favorite week. These kids were from ages 18-24 (crazy, I know). We were told during orientation that this would be the hardest but most rewarding week of the summer; and other than getting blatantly pushed down by a random kid for no reason, it wasn't that terribly hard. And don't worry one of the guys on my team Luci (18) went after him and probably cussed him out in Romanian, he then protected me the rest of the night haha!!

I got and have remained close to one of my guys Liviu (20). He is pretty fluent in English and we have gotten many opportunities to chat on facebook. He became a believer just a few weeks after we left RO and has told me all about his feelings about Jesus and what he knows to be true of Salvation. It has been incredible to have so many chances to talk to him even after being back in the States.

We had a wonderful time in RO and the Word of God was preached to every ear that would hear. And of course, whenever the Word of the Lord is preached Satan has to get in there and try to ruin everything. We had so many battles and continue to battle with Child Protective Services in RO. After week 2 we were no longer aloud to take pictures of or with any of the kids. After week 3 we signed a waiver saying we would not post anything about the kids and after week 5 camp was shut down.

Continue to be in prayer for these kids that we met this summer and for Livada to be able to continue to preach of God's Grace. Pray for Sarah Meszaros and Rebecca Rasmussen who are still in Romania. Sarah is there until next September and Rebecca has been there for the past 3 years. They are two wonderful ladies that I had the opportunity to get really close to this summer and I admire their hard work and love for every kid. Pray for Kelly she has been in Romania for the past 5 years and is coming back this year to work for Livada in the States.

While there were plenty of times that I really didn't know what the heck I was doing in Romania, there were plenty other times that I knew exactly what I was there for. And now, more than ever, I know that the Lord has called me to do His work. To Love the Unlovable and to Remember the Forgotten.

Livada is continuing the Intern program next summer, so please let me know if you are even slightly interested and I would love to meet with you and tell you more about it.

Thanks again guys. Also I applaud you for making it to the end. It's hard for me to sum up my experience so easily.

Wedding Info Update

So many new things have happened in the Wedding Planning area since the engagement. For starters, I found the dress of my dreams. I got it from David's Bridal, which was the first store I went into on the first day of wedding dress shopping. It was the first dress I tried on and I love it! We got to David's Bridal at 11:30 am and left at 1:15 pm. Pretty impressive if I do say so myself.

The second/third update is that we have found a place (and put down the deposit) which also means that we have a solid date. The wedding will be at 4 pm and help in the garden at the Cates House is Alabaster, AL.

I am in the process of getting a band nailed down, but I have a photographer (my step mom's sister, Colleen).

Next thing on the list is asking my wedding party and singers/musicians if they can be in the wedding.

Planning is coming right along. We are 302 days away; or 10 months from Wednesday. So weird how quickly time seems to be flying. But I am beyond ecstatic to be the future Mrs. Caitlin Wiggins. It has a nice ring to it doesn't it; kind of like my left hand.

ENGAGED!!!

I never thought this day would come, but as of today at around 6:30 or 6:45 (wasn't terribly concerned with the time at the moment), I AM ENGAGED!!!!!! 

I am engaged to marry the greatest man in the world, Robert Paul Wiggins. We don't have a date and I'm really not too worried about it. I just want to soak up every moment as his Fiancee before planning becomes hectic.  

How he did it:

My birthday was about a month ago, but I was not here, as you all know. To celebrate "my belated birthday", Rob sent me on a scavenger hunt. The first surprise of the night was my best friend, Aliciana, who came along on the ride to take pictures. 

At every station two of our friends, Nick and Wesley, waited with a new gift and a new clue. The first clue took me to Summer Snow to receive two scarves. The next clue took me to the Riverwalk to receive a Michael Buble CD. The next took me to Rodger's Library for a book of our life together. The next to Denny Chimes for a wine glass set. The next to the stadium for Swarvoski crystal earrings. Then the last, clue #6, was to Capitol Park where I received a picture frame. I must say I was a little disappointed in the frame because I was told that the gifts got better as we went along. 

As I continued looking at the frame (including a picture we had taken together last fall), I noticed that he had "Engaged" printed on it, as well as "July 23, 2009". The same moment I realized that the printed date was the current date, I saw Rob upon one knee staring up at me. In my unbelief, I shouted, "SHUT UP!!" Through my interruptions, Rob told me all the reasons he wanted to marry me along with other things I can't quite remember, popped the magic question and I said, "YES, OF COURSE!" 

To my surprise, our friend David had recorded the entire proposal. There with us, to share in the incredible moment, was Aliciana, David, Nick, and Wesley. After that we went to Lici's house, to my knowledge, only with the one's already at the park. When we walked into her apartment, I was surprised again by about 15 of our friends. 

None of the attendees. except for the one's at the park and two others, actually knew what had just happened. The rest were just as surprised as I was to find that we had just gotten engaged. Rob didn't want to take all my fun away so I got to announce to all my friends that we were engaged to be married. 

I never thought this moment would happen and still can't believe it's real. But, believe it or not, it is, in fact, real. I could not have asked for a better proposal or a better man to marry. He is absolutely incredible and will be an amazing husband. I can only pray to be half the wife to him that he deserves. 

Feels like Home to Me

Before my arrival to Romania, I decided to only come for a month long stint, thinking "What if I sign up for the whole summer and end up hating it". Now, after being here for 3 and half weeks, seeing three different groups of kids come in and out of my life, my heart sinks at the thought of going home.

I have been very blessed to have a family that loves and supports me even when they can't see the reason behind my wacky decisions (i.e. traveling half way around the world to work with an organization that I found on Google, with people i've never met, except for one whom I met two months previous). I know that they miss me from the emails I receive each week rushing me home.

However, as blessed as I know I am, I can't ignore the fact that I could easily leave all that behind to stay here with these kids forever.

I know that, where my life stands as of right now, God's current plan for me here in Romania is not for permanent residence. I know that the Lord has called me to Family and Marriage counseling, for which I need my masters. I know that I need to stay in the States for my time in Seminary. I also know that I have a lot of growing and strengthening I need to experience before I move away for good.

When I picture my life after this summer, I know that I cannot leave here and never return. Whether or not Jesus calls me to move here permanently, I'm not sure. What I am sure of is that my work here is not complete, yet. My time here does not end after next Friday; my time here this summer will be over then, but not forever.

I wish that I had enough time, energy, and words to express to you what I have experienced in my time in Romania, but even if I tried, I could not succeed.

Thanks to all of you who have been praying for the kids, the team, and me while we've been together. Just one more week left. Pray that I give it my all. Pray that the Lord would continue revealing his will for my life. Pray that on Friday HE would comfort my heart, because I know that this "goodbye" is going to be the hardest "goodbye" I have ever given.

I love you guys and hope to see you all so soon; of course after I wake up from my 6 day "catch-up" slumber.

Be Careful What You Pray For...

I really hate when people say to be careful what you pray for. If youre not willing to accept the challenge to become a better follower of Christ, then you need to take a long hard look into your heart, because something is not right.

People normally say that when talking about Patience, ”Because” they say, ”God will find a way to give you patience.” Heaven forbid we ever learn patience, then we might have to actually be like Jesus called us to be.

Anyway, on to the point.

I find it funny and see Gods humor when I pray for more ”selfish” things and get either a ”Nope” or silence. But the second I pray for something completely not fun, and not the slightest bit selfish, He answers it within hours of the prayer being spoken.

Yesterday morning, I woke up from a deep slumber on an dipped in cot and sleeping bag. As I do every morning before camp begins, I read a passage in my Bible and began to journal my prayers, thoughts, and hopes for the day. When I was coming to close (as in running out of time), I wrote ”Lord, break my heart today. Give me a divine moment when I remember why Im here.”

He did.

The day continued as normal. We had our Super Hero warm up, then breakfast. We had club, morning activity rotations, lunch, free time, dinner, etc. On Thursday night we have a big prayer time where we, the leaders, pray over our team and sometimes other children we connected with throughout the week.

Being the good follower of directions that I am, I prayed over each of my kids. Praying that God would raise up a family for them to love them unconditionally and lead them to Gods throne. Praying that they themselves would feel Gods love and mercy, etc.

I began to walk back to the tent where the rest of camp had already begun to congregate, but was stopped by a 16-year-old girl, Claudia. Hours earlier, during our scavenger hunt in which we sprint up a straight incline Mountain of a hill, this girl was driving me absolutely crazy. My only interactions with her was of her acting like she was tearing out my heart, which is part of a skit Im in that happens every Wed. night.

Claudia was not on my team and we hadnt really had any previous conversations, but for some reason she wanted me to pray over her. So I did.

When I prayed over my group, I didnt use a translator. But Claudia wanted to know what I was praying over her, so we brought along my wonderful translator from the week, Oana. I prayed all the same things over her that I had prayed over the other children, not that it was any less sincere, but my prayer is for all of the children to find families to love them and for them to grow up to be Godly parents who love and care for their children.

When I finished my prayer, Claudia told me that she loves to answer questions and that she wanted me to ask her anything at all. So I did.

I asked her how long she had been in the orphanage. She said her mother dropped her off at Luduce when she and her twin sister were 3-years-old and her younger brother, who she is currently separated from, was 2. When her father died, she was not allowed to go to his funeral. Their birthdays were never celebrated and they never had enough food. She explained to me that she was only allowed to shower on certain days of the week and from 12-4 pm the children were to be in their beds at all times. They werent even allowed to use the bathroom.

Her mom dropped her off at Luduce 13 years ago, and as Claudia said, she has never even checked to see if her children are still alive. She explained to me that she does see her moms side of the family. And when she sees them all she sees is a family of strangers who are all happy with their lives and couldnt care less about hers. ”Candy can only love you so much,” she said.

She stayed in Luduce for 10 years and has now been in a new home with a different mother for 3 years. She and her sister moved into this new home once Luduce was shut down for the maltreatment of children.

I asked her about how her life is now that she is in the different home compared to what is was then. She said that it is much better now. That her house mother actually tries to act like a mother to them. When it is there birthday or any other celebration time, they receive presents. She continued to share with me how much better her life is in the new home, which makes my heart happy. But when the list was finished, she added, ”Although all these things are good, they dont take place of your own mom, your own dad, your own brothers, and your own sisters.”

During orientation, we were told that if we werent prepared to hear about the suffering that these children face, then we didnt need to ask. Because once you ask, they will tell you, and youve got to be able to handle it.

I held in my tears for as long as Claudia spoke. However, the second she walked out of that tent and went to bed, the flood gates opened wide. I could hardly breathe through all the pain I felt in my heart. How could someone feel so little compassion and love for such a beautiful and precious gift? This thought process was far beyond me. I cant come to grips with it. I cant make sense of it, no matter how hard I try.

My prayer is that we stop asking the easy questions and start asking the questions that make us cringe. The questions that make our hearts roll into knots. Ask for a broken heart and the Lord will provide.

Never be careful about what you pray for.

Before Week 2 begins

I have recently been feeling guilty about how little I have kept up my blog. I have told all these people to be reading it and I haven't posted but twice since I have been in Romania.

Every Monday we have what we call day camp where we meet the kids for the week and play name games to get better acquainted with the team. Later each team competes at different stations to begin the points for the week. Then on Tuesday we head out to Camp Vețca, which is a solid hour drive and it is an incredible time to sleep and/or sike yourself up for the week ahead. We stay at camp until Friday morning and then take the kids to a water park called The Weekend. After our trip to the Weekend we say our final goodbyes to the kids and head home for wonderful 30 minute showers (no less because no one showers at camp).

The reason no one showers at camp is because adults can only shower once the kids have gone to bed which is around 11 pm. In Romania at 11 pm it is about 55 degrees and the water is about 20 degrees. That is just a little bit too cold. So to avoid pneumonia we just dont shower until Friday night. I realize that 3 and a half days is a long time to go without showering but by the time the night is over we are all so exhausted we dont even have time to realize how gross we are.

This week we have a team from Northern Ireland here to help facilitate team time with our kids. My Irishmen are Di and James. Di and James are great guys with the coolest accents ever. My translators are Diana (yes same one from last week) and Oana. The girls are fabulous. Im not sure of their salvation so please pray for them on their behalf. I have 5 kids (or copii) on my team this week. 2 girls and 3 boys. Their names are Isa (pronounce Eeza), Marius, Rupee, Silvius, and then another girls whose name I have forgotten about 5 times already. My team seems very attentive and excited, two things that took my team last week a little time to show. I am very pumped about this week and know that God is going to do some amazing things. Be praying for the Spirit to move in a mighty mighty way.

Also, tomorrow is my 21st birthday. Pray that I would remember my purpose for being here and not focus so much on how much I miss my family and the comfort of my own home. I only have 18 more days left here, so I most definitely need to be focused on my goal for Christ. Pray for ample amounts of energy and excitement. Our team name is The Incredibles, try shouting that out over and over again for about 5 min. Itll wear you out, believe me. Also pray for my voice. It is already starting to go out. I guarantee by Friday it will be nonexistant. Well, I have written plenty and my brain is beginning to become mush. I love you all and appreciate your prayers more than you will ever know. I miss you all and will be home before you know it.

As the Romanians say, Noapte Buna (Goodnight).

Week One

So because my emailing time took so long I am left with not much time to blog. I will do my very best to adequately sum up my time at Camp Vetca last week.

On my team there were two interns, two translators, and 6 kids all ranging from ages 6 to 14 (Yowzas)!! As some of you can sympothize, at Pine Cove last summer I made it through week one thinking I could do the summer on my own. Here, I lasted three hours thinking I could do this on my own. My Tuesday night (which was our first night with the kids at camp) I was so blinded by doubt that I could not see my reason for being here this summer.

By Wednesday night, however, my kids finally began to come around. The girls were the hardest to get through. They have been so hardened by the bad in this world that they didn't even want us female interns to hug them. They would tell us "I don't need your love".

In these groups of children, there is not one child that has not even been abused themselves or watched their friends being abused. It is the saddest thing in the world to see. Also, it is very hard to see and hear about all that is happening here and has happened here and not feel powerless. There is so much wrong that needs desparately to be right. It so hopeless and dark, but still there is light. There is light because so many of these kids know that no matter what pain they suffer here, their Heavenly Father supplies endless strength for their souls.

On the last night it is a tradition that Leaders pray over each of their campers. As I held each of the girls in my arms I prayed that the Lord would raise up a family for them that will love them unconditionally and lead them to the Throne of Christ. I prayed that exact prayer over a 13-year-old boy (not on my team), Bela, who I have bonded with since day one. I couldn't control my tears as I pleaded before the Lord on his behalf. At the end of my prayer he looked at me and said, "Don't worry about me; I'll be fine." My heart was overwhelmed. He has no doubt that the Lord will provide for his needs.

I pray that you would be burdened for the injustice these children face every day. Pray for families to be raised up for them; families that won't abuse them like so many have done before. Pray for the interns and myself as we try to break the bond of fear Satan has placed on these children. And pray for hope; that the children would see the Lord in even the most difficult times.

I'll be home in 21 days. Hope to see you soon. Feel free to email me if you get a chance. My email is cbras88@gmail.com.

Love you all so very much

Caitlin

I'm here!!

Hello all!!! I must apologize to you all because I have been in Romania for 5 days now and this is my first blog about our time here. 

Friday and Saturday, the interns and I worked our butts off. Each day we worked hard for a solid 8 hours if not more. Shoveling gravel, raking gravel, cleaning dishes, setting up tents, beds, cleaning out sheds, etc. It was craziness. We all decided that none of us had ever felt so sore in our lives. The next morning there was not one person who jumped out of bed; we all gained about 20 years with aching bones and muscles. 

Today was the first day of camp, which is really more of a day camp since we met with the kids at their own orphanage and then said goodbye after about 5 hours of playing games and getting to know our teams. We had a great time; full of sweat, screams, and laughs. Tomorrow we will go to Camp Vetca with the kids and come back on Friday morning. 

Be in prayer for my campers as well as my translators; I'm not sure of their salvation, yet. The translators names are Vlod and Diana. 

I love you all and appreciate your prayers so much. I will be updating more later. God bless you all. 

You'll Come

For those who have forgotten or just didn't know, I leave for West Palm Beach on Sunday morning for Orientation and then next Wed. I leave for Romania until July 18th. I will be working with orphans all summer, showering them with Christ's love. I cannot wait. My life will never be the same after this summer, and I am so ready for that change.

This song by Hillsong, "You'll Come", has sort of become my anthem for my time in Romania. Especially the bridge. 

The song goes like this: 

Verse 1

I have decided, I have resolved to wait upon you, Lord. 

My Rock and Redeemer, Shield and Reward. 

I'll wait upon you, Lord. 

Chorus

As surely as the sun will rise, you'll come to us. 

Certain as the dawn appears, you'll come. 

Let your glory fall as you respond to us. 

Spirit reign, flood into our thirsty hearts again. 

You'll come. 

You'll come. 

Verse 2

We are not shaken, we are not moved. 

We wait upon you, Lord. 

Our Mighty Deliverer, Triumph and Truth. 

We wait upon you, Lord. 

Chorus

As surely as the sun will rise, you'll come to us. 

Certain as the dawn appears, you'll come. 

Let your glory fall as you respond to us.

Spirit reign, flood into our thirsty hearts again. 

You'll come. You'll come.

Bridge

Chains be broken.

Lives been healed.

Eyes be open. 

Christ is revealed

Chorus

You'll come. 

Let your glory fall as you respond to us.

Spirit reign, flood into our thirsty hearts again

You'll come. 

The Rainbow

In the old testament the rainbow signified God's promise to his people that He would never flood the earth again. I believe that rainbows come in many different shapes and sizes. My rainbow came in the form of one tragic event.  

7 months ago a sweet, sweet friend of mine, Caroline Hartrampf, lost her life in a car accident along with her boyfriend, Stephen. Caroline was a wonderful woman of God who cared deeply for all those close to her. Unfortunately, Caroline and I never got as close as I wish we could have. That, however, did not make her passing any easier for me. When I wasn't regretting my lack of depth to what could have been a completely amazing friendship, I was literally feeling the pain of those around me who did have the opportunity to get close to Caroline. One of those people was my boyfriend, Rob. 

Last spring break, Rob, Caroline, and several other amazing friends took a trip to South Florida. On that trip Rob and Caroline's frienship became closer. She transitioned from good friend for him to another sister in just one week. 

I remember exactly where I was when Rob got the phone call that rocked our world and changed us forever. We were driving in his car to Birmingham to get a dog. All I was able to hear was his half of the conversation which was, "What? Well let's make sure first before we freak out." As soon as he hung up the phone with our friend David, another friend Aliciana called and confirmed the shocking news. Rob immediately broke down. I had never before seen him cry, especially not like that. I told Rob that it would be fine if we turned around to go to Aliciana's. He insisted that we do what we originally came to do. 

We got a beautiful black lab/hound mix and named him Mac, short for McGuyver. As soon as we got back in to Tuscaloosa, we headed to Lici's house. We went in and began talking and reading the Bible. We read 1 Thess. 4:13-18. 

We got back to the house and started working on getting things for the dog. It was very distracting for a while and helped us to not focus so much on the sadness of what was actually going on. The stresses of having an untrained puppy, losing a friend, figuring out how to comfort my hurting friends, and tackle school got the best of me. I had to think fast about what I could do to lighten my load. The only thing of those four I could lose would be the dog. After many tears and contemplations, I took Mac back to the Humane Society in Birmingham. 

Through all of this, I slowly began to see my ties with my wonderful boyfriend loosening more and more. Thinking that taking the dog back would fix it, I felt a great sense of relief. I was wrong. His pain, caused by my absence, was deeper than I ever imagined. It got so bad that one night he literally told me that he "didn't feel comforted around me anymore." 

That was the absolute hardest thing for me digest. It almost literally felt like a knife went through my heart. How could this happen? How could I let the one person I love the most hurt so bad while I tried to figure out what was easiest for me? I was heart broken and utterly shocked and confused. It was at that very moment that I became determined to turn this around. It was everything but easy and he made sure of that. 

I remember one night at Rob's apartment thinking the whole night, "He does not want me here, why am I still here?" I went to the bathroom several times and broke down and cry. My biggest prayer that night was that God would give me the strength to stay even when I knew he didn't really want me there. I just kept hearing God reminding me that Rob needed me even if he didn't want to need me. I am so thankful that I stayed. 

A week later, Rob thanked me for my patience. We have never looked back, except to thank God for not allowing us to throw in the towel. Through all of the rain, Rob and I became closer than we ever would have had we not experienced what we experienced. I know that we would not be who we are or where we are if it weren't for our Faithful Father strengthening us at our weakest point. 

Lord, Thank you for the promises of the Rainbow. 

When the Fear Subsides

Last night, after my mild mental breakdown, I decided that maybe, just maybe I should open the Word and see what the God had to say about it (of course after I told Him what I thought about it). And as He always does, the Lord calmed my fear by this simple, yet powerful verse. Psalm 27:14 says, "Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord" (NLT). 

With that simple, well known phrase, my fear was wiped away. With that the Lord humbled me and reminded me that there is nothing I can do to protect Rob. Only HE can do that and He will. Rob is right where he's supposed to be and I should blessed by that not scared. I should be encouraged by his strength and willingness to reach the unreachable; He's doing EXACTLY what we've all been called to do. How dare I question God about sending someone I love to the Lost and Hopeless! 

Forgive me Lord.Humility is a difficult task sometimes, but wow, what a Blessing. 

Prayers of Fear

I really need some prayers tonight. As most of you know, my wonderful boyfriend of almost 14 months, Rob, is in India this summer spreading the Gospel of Christ to different villages. Thanks to stories of people like Elisabeth Eliot I have a huge fear that Rob is going to be murdered by tribal people. So because of this fear when he got accepted into the program with the IMB to go to India I got really nervous and all I could think about was that he was going to be murdered over there. I made him promise me basically every night that he was going to be safe and come back in one piece. 

Tonight I got an email from him saying that the IMB is sending him and his team to places that Christians have never been. WHAT?? Can you say End of the Spear?? Hello? He's supposed to be safe. He's supposed to come back in one piece. We're supposed to get married and have babies and live happily ever after. Why is God sending HIM to these places where no one else has been? I'm just so afraid to lose him. I literally don't function right without him and can't even imagine a life without him beside me in the ministry. 

And I know that Satan is the author of all fear. I know that the Lord is not going to allow anything to happen that is out of his control. I know all the answers, but I don't FEEL more secure in those things right now. I need to know that come July 18th, He will be in the airport running to meet me. I need to know that I won't have to live the rest of my life missing him. I need peace to overcome my fears. I need faith to bind my heart. I need Jesus to comfort me safely in his arms. 

Sorry this is a rather raw post, but I just needed to vent. Please pray for me. Pray strength and peace. Pray faith and boldness. Pray joy and reverence. Pray guidance and patience. I love and appreciate you all. 

Utterly Captivated by God's Creation

Have you ever felt completely overwhelmed at the sight of God's magnificent creation; just totally in awe of the beauty He spoke into existence? Well Saturday that was me. 

In about 10 days, school will be out for the summer. This is usually around the time that teachers decide to cram in the last of the homework that they have forgotten about until now. In the next two weeks I have 6 assignments due. So that's what Saturday was for; getting as much work done as possible to lighten my load as much as possible before I have to start studying for finals. 

When I have days like Saturday, where all I do is school work, I like to give myself little breaks to regain my sanity. So for lunch I decided to eat outside to soak up a little of the beautiful day. As I was sitting out there, listening to the birds chirping, watching the trees swaying, and feeling the breeze cooling down the hot day, I suddenly started to cry. In that moment I was vastly overcome with awe-stricken wonder at the majesty of our Creator, of our Father. It absolutely astounded me to think on and experience the perfection of this earth and to imagine that one day it will be even more beautiful as it is now.

Not only did it overwhelm me to gaze upon the beauty of His creation, but also to think that the same God who did all that is the same God who longs to deepen His relationship with me, yearns to be my Abba, desires to heal my open wounds, to hear my darkest secrets and deepest fears. 

All of this to me is Utterly Captivating.