7 months ago a sweet, sweet friend of mine, Caroline Hartrampf, lost her life in a car accident along with her boyfriend, Stephen. Caroline was a wonderful woman of God who cared deeply for all those close to her. Unfortunately, Caroline and I never got as close as I wish we could have. That, however, did not make her passing any easier for me. When I wasn't regretting my lack of depth to what could have been a completely amazing friendship, I was literally feeling the pain of those around me who did have the opportunity to get close to Caroline. One of those people was my boyfriend, Rob.
Last spring break, Rob, Caroline, and several other amazing friends took a trip to South Florida. On that trip Rob and Caroline's frienship became closer. She transitioned from good friend for him to another sister in just one week.
I remember exactly where I was when Rob got the phone call that rocked our world and changed us forever. We were driving in his car to Birmingham to get a dog. All I was able to hear was his half of the conversation which was, "What? Well let's make sure first before we freak out." As soon as he hung up the phone with our friend David, another friend Aliciana called and confirmed the shocking news. Rob immediately broke down. I had never before seen him cry, especially not like that. I told Rob that it would be fine if we turned around to go to Aliciana's. He insisted that we do what we originally came to do.
We got a beautiful black lab/hound mix and named him Mac, short for McGuyver. As soon as we got back in to Tuscaloosa, we headed to Lici's house. We went in and began talking and reading the Bible. We read 1 Thess. 4:13-18.
We got back to the house and started working on getting things for the dog. It was very distracting for a while and helped us to not focus so much on the sadness of what was actually going on. The stresses of having an untrained puppy, losing a friend, figuring out how to comfort my hurting friends, and tackle school got the best of me. I had to think fast about what I could do to lighten my load. The only thing of those four I could lose would be the dog. After many tears and contemplations, I took Mac back to the Humane Society in Birmingham.
Through all of this, I slowly began to see my ties with my wonderful boyfriend loosening more and more. Thinking that taking the dog back would fix it, I felt a great sense of relief. I was wrong. His pain, caused by my absence, was deeper than I ever imagined. It got so bad that one night he literally told me that he "didn't feel comforted around me anymore."
That was the absolute hardest thing for me digest. It almost literally felt like a knife went through my heart. How could this happen? How could I let the one person I love the most hurt so bad while I tried to figure out what was easiest for me? I was heart broken and utterly shocked and confused. It was at that very moment that I became determined to turn this around. It was everything but easy and he made sure of that.
I remember one night at Rob's apartment thinking the whole night, "He does not want me here, why am I still here?" I went to the bathroom several times and broke down and cry. My biggest prayer that night was that God would give me the strength to stay even when I knew he didn't really want me there. I just kept hearing God reminding me that Rob needed me even if he didn't want to need me. I am so thankful that I stayed.
A week later, Rob thanked me for my patience. We have never looked back, except to thank God for not allowing us to throw in the towel. Through all of the rain, Rob and I became closer than we ever would have had we not experienced what we experienced. I know that we would not be who we are or where we are if it weren't for our Faithful Father strengthening us at our weakest point.
Lord, Thank you for the promises of the Rainbow.
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