When the Fear Subsides

Last night, after my mild mental breakdown, I decided that maybe, just maybe I should open the Word and see what the God had to say about it (of course after I told Him what I thought about it). And as He always does, the Lord calmed my fear by this simple, yet powerful verse. Psalm 27:14 says, "Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord" (NLT). 

With that simple, well known phrase, my fear was wiped away. With that the Lord humbled me and reminded me that there is nothing I can do to protect Rob. Only HE can do that and He will. Rob is right where he's supposed to be and I should blessed by that not scared. I should be encouraged by his strength and willingness to reach the unreachable; He's doing EXACTLY what we've all been called to do. How dare I question God about sending someone I love to the Lost and Hopeless! 

Forgive me Lord.Humility is a difficult task sometimes, but wow, what a Blessing. 

Prayers of Fear

I really need some prayers tonight. As most of you know, my wonderful boyfriend of almost 14 months, Rob, is in India this summer spreading the Gospel of Christ to different villages. Thanks to stories of people like Elisabeth Eliot I have a huge fear that Rob is going to be murdered by tribal people. So because of this fear when he got accepted into the program with the IMB to go to India I got really nervous and all I could think about was that he was going to be murdered over there. I made him promise me basically every night that he was going to be safe and come back in one piece. 

Tonight I got an email from him saying that the IMB is sending him and his team to places that Christians have never been. WHAT?? Can you say End of the Spear?? Hello? He's supposed to be safe. He's supposed to come back in one piece. We're supposed to get married and have babies and live happily ever after. Why is God sending HIM to these places where no one else has been? I'm just so afraid to lose him. I literally don't function right without him and can't even imagine a life without him beside me in the ministry. 

And I know that Satan is the author of all fear. I know that the Lord is not going to allow anything to happen that is out of his control. I know all the answers, but I don't FEEL more secure in those things right now. I need to know that come July 18th, He will be in the airport running to meet me. I need to know that I won't have to live the rest of my life missing him. I need peace to overcome my fears. I need faith to bind my heart. I need Jesus to comfort me safely in his arms. 

Sorry this is a rather raw post, but I just needed to vent. Please pray for me. Pray strength and peace. Pray faith and boldness. Pray joy and reverence. Pray guidance and patience. I love and appreciate you all. 

Utterly Captivated by God's Creation

Have you ever felt completely overwhelmed at the sight of God's magnificent creation; just totally in awe of the beauty He spoke into existence? Well Saturday that was me. 

In about 10 days, school will be out for the summer. This is usually around the time that teachers decide to cram in the last of the homework that they have forgotten about until now. In the next two weeks I have 6 assignments due. So that's what Saturday was for; getting as much work done as possible to lighten my load as much as possible before I have to start studying for finals. 

When I have days like Saturday, where all I do is school work, I like to give myself little breaks to regain my sanity. So for lunch I decided to eat outside to soak up a little of the beautiful day. As I was sitting out there, listening to the birds chirping, watching the trees swaying, and feeling the breeze cooling down the hot day, I suddenly started to cry. In that moment I was vastly overcome with awe-stricken wonder at the majesty of our Creator, of our Father. It absolutely astounded me to think on and experience the perfection of this earth and to imagine that one day it will be even more beautiful as it is now.

Not only did it overwhelm me to gaze upon the beauty of His creation, but also to think that the same God who did all that is the same God who longs to deepen His relationship with me, yearns to be my Abba, desires to heal my open wounds, to hear my darkest secrets and deepest fears. 

All of this to me is Utterly Captivating.